Healing: Finding Self Worth
When I was sick there was one quality that was lacking in my life. It was worthiness. I often asked myself, was I worthy to have a life of health? Hell, was I worthy to even be alive? These feelings worked on me and my intestines so many years ago.
When I was searching for my own worthiness I looked here and there, far and wide, never once running into my own worth. I realized in time that what I was looking for was always in front of me or better yet, inside of me. My self worth was just that: mine to find, mine to give away and mine to reclaim for myself once more.
You might be wondering how and what this has to do with Crohn’s or any other sickness. If you have self-worth you seem to be in a better frame of mind. Some say you are in a better place. I found that when I was first sick I gave up and fell into the “I am sick” trap. It was like quicksand drawing me in and sucking me down. I gave up and did not try. It took me five years to find my direction and once I found my direction it took me no time to improve my health. I had to find something to get well for. I needed a goal, not of curing my illness, but of wanting a life without illness. I needed to create my own self worth. I needed to want to have a life that was healthy and full.
One thing I suggest to everyone I meet is to get control of your mind early in your sickness. Then you will have control of your sickness. What do you need? Where are you finding your worthiness?