Crohn's Colitis: Carry your own water

Crohn’s Colitis: Carrying your Own Water

Carrying your Own Water

There is a place that we all go when we are sick.  That place is full of fear, depression and the world of the unknown.  In the beginning we go to anyone one that promises us an answer.  It is like we have a nasty monster on our back and we don’t want to touch it.

As we get used to carrying this monster around we get to a point that the people that love us want to help us carry our burden.  As time goes by we carry our monster and our loved ones carry everything else.

Trust me, that monster on the back is heavy, takes up a lot of room, and gets our attention. We tell stories about it.  It’s really interesting to watch when a bunch of people get together and they start talking about their monsters and how heavy they are and then they say to their loved ones: “tell them how sick I am”.  In the mean time the loved one that is carrying everything (your stuff and their stuff and if they have kids, the kids’ stuff) starts talking and says “yes, your monster is so heavy, I thought you were dying”.  Then you get to say “see how bad I am”, or in other words, “see how heavy my monster is, even my loved one thought so”.

When I was sick and decided I wanted to get well I read a lot about codependency and how it worked, and how it enables us to keep up with patterns that are sometimes not healthy for us.  I saw how much my wife was carrying for me and I started taking back my stuff and lightened her load. I put it back on my back. I started to edge the monster off as I took back my responsibilities.

I call that giving up the power of being sick.  I had to carry my own water in life. I had to take back my responsibilities and I did, from my wife, my doctor, and anyone else that I felt was helping me carry the water of my life.

There is a price you pay when people carry your water of life.  You have to follow what they say.  You have no power of your own.  But until you are ready, you only have the power they give you because you live in that dark place, in fear that they might give you your stuff back and you don’t want it or you’re afraid that you cannot carry it yourself.

That is why I took my stuff back of my own free will.  I took it back a little at a time so I could get used to the weight piece by piece.  As I worked to lighten the weight of sickness  I regained my own power to make the decisions and renewed my commitment to myself. Because it was on my shoulders I worked hard to see things through. I carried my water and regained my power. I hope this helped you. If you have a comment or a question you can leave a post and I’ll get back to you.

Thank you.