There is a moment when a sickness starts to feed on your life. In the beginning of sickness you are just learning the symptoms; you are experiencing the pain, the sickness. You get trained by the sickness; it tells you what it wants. It shows you how to appease it, how to settle its nerves. It creates patterns in your life.
It slowly takes over control of every part of your life until it rules your life. You don’t see it happening, it just happens as you keep it fed, medicated, and you try to keep it at bay. You hope it will not rear its ugly head.
What I noticed about being sick was my life got real small and all I had time for was being sick. If I was not sick, I was worried about being sick. Then in my mind, the stories I created were more painful than the true sickness itself. Soon, with the stories, I would talk myself into the physical sickness until I had a full blown flare up.
My sickness fed on my dreams, fed on my hopes, and fed on my youth. When it had fed through all of them and I felt I had nothing left, my choice was to give up or try something new, try to make a new pattern and let go of the things that fed the sickness.
Yes, I healed myself twenty years ago but my sickness really never left the back of my mind. This is why this blog came to be; I am hoping to show you a different life than what I had.
I have a great life and yet always in the back of my mind were thoughts about will it, can it, is it coming back? I am sharing these feelings with you so you can move through them faster than I did. I am purging and clearing the back of my mind by writing this blog. I am releasing my fears, my old stories, and any old energy I might be carrying from my illness, I have carried them long enough. I may have lost a little of my youth but sickness has not taken my life.
We all have very powerful minds. The mind creates story boards and patterns that we all live by. If you are sick, ask yourself how much of your story board is covered with sickness? How much life is sickness for you? How much of your life are you willing to let be lost to sickness? Are the patterns of your life feeding your sickness or your life? Are they worth holding on to?