Crohn's Colitis: There is a depth

Crohn’s Colitis: There is a depth to all living things

There is a depth to all living things.  When I was at my most sick and I thought I was dying it still amazed me how much fight I had left, how much my body had to give to keep me breathing and alive.  I would hear my mind saying I had nothing left, but then I would open my eyes the next morning be alive another day.

 I look back now when I have hard times.  I am not talking about bills, family problems, or even when I was sick. 

Hard times for me are when I give up mentally.  I will say to myself, “I am done, no more, I have done my best I don’t care.”  I turn my back and walk away. Mentally I have no more to give, no more.  It feels sometimes that I am standing in the middle of a shit storm and I cannot take it any longer.  And yet, I wake again, alive another day.

I thank god for meditation. When I stop my thoughts and rest, the storm in my mind dies down.  It gets real quiet and a peace comes over me.  I find that depth, that silence to carry on. It gives me strength to take the next step.

When I reach the inner depths inside of myself through meditation, I open to the all knowing.  I find that I don’t have hard times anymore. I have situations that I encounter as I walk through my lifetime.  This gives me the energy to probe my true depth and ask the bigger questions of life, after life, god, soul, and the universe.  I feel true freedom at this point, a true freedom that no mind, no body, and no earthly situation can take away, and all that is left is truth.