Crohn’s Colitis: I had a Dream


I had a Dream

I wanted to talk to you about my post Learning Something about Myself.  I wanted to update you that I am doing better.  I have continued meditating and writing the post helped. I have also been talking to friends and doing my normal healing work which has helped work out my anger.  But, is the problem solved about dreaming big?

 There is a fear that comes with dreaming big for me.  Yes, the anger is dissolving but the learning challenge is still there.  Time has still passed, I am the same person minus some anger.  I am still going to be forty eight.  The funny part is I have no real dream anymore.   For a while I wanted to make a difference by enlightening people to meditation.  I have found that I can introduce them to meditation but it cannot be my dream but their dream.

With the dream of trying to help people there is a fine line between helping them and enabling them.  When I was sick I needed to fight my way to where I am.  I had to learn and focus and not give up.  I had to help myself.  I had to find my fire, which I did and that fire is now like white hot coals.  But now I am wondering, where do I direct the heat from the focus I developed?  Where do I dream from here?

 Or, maybe it’s time I stop dreaming and understand that the next dream is not a dream at all but creating an unbreakable faith in god and/or universe.

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