Crohn’s Colitis: Sadness in Hindsight


Sadness in Hindsight

Over the last couple of days I have been getting a lot of comments and emails about my last post “Seeing Through Sadness”.  Today I am sharing some of my hindsight since writing it.  I have been meditating for a long time so it was easy for me to feel safe in my sadness because I had learned to separate myself from sadness or fear or love or whatever emotion I am working with.  The thing I also realized about myself was this:

I realized how much sadness I have ignored, how much I shut my emotions out because I can separate from them or have maybe been afraid of them. When I was a kid there was a lot of tough love that was given in my family.  This tough love was given to toughen us up physically as well as mentally.  Big boys don’t cry was a gentle comment in our house.  So, I learned how to hide away my emotions and how to push emotions down to “never” see them again.

Yes all this made me mentally tough but burying them inside of myself just manifested into Crohn’s Colitis, and that is how I got into meditation in the first place. 

Meditation has always been my secret weapon, it is the tool that lets me watch my sadness (or anything I am experiencing) without reliving it. Writing was the tool that let me express and stay focused on letting go of the things I was holding onto.  I didn’t have to feel the pain or sadness that came with each memory, I just needed to be present and acknowledge that I was sad and that it was alright to feel. As each feeling or memory came up and was acknowledged, it started to clear and my dark place became lighter. 

It was  trying to express it to you that was the great gift to me.  Trying to create a picture to explain something that was abstract and explain how I was feeling, brought me to a new sense of peace that I never felt before.  Let me tell you, doing this stuff only in head is much different than trying to explain it. The written word was powerful and enlightening. I hope it also enlightened you.

I hope that these two posts are helping you look into your sadness or fear or even a sickness and find a new place of peace.

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