Crohn’s Colitis: Seeing Throught Sadness


Seeing Through Sadness

Sitting in Sadness (Saturday Night)

There are times in our lives that deep sadness hits us.  I was at a business meeting this week and someone asked me the question “what is your goal in life?”  I gave an answer that fit the moment but, that question stayed with me when I left the meeting.  It stayed with me all night and today.

I shared that story with my class the next morning and  one person spoke up and said, “wow, and you made it to class on time?”  They all laughed.   I am a great creator; I help people look at their thoughts and how they could change their thoughts to better help themselves. I teach people how to use and move energy with healing work.  I give people treatments and hope I create positive movement in their bodies and minds to bring a healthier existence.

But, when this question, one that I ask people all the time, was asked of me, I could not really answer. Even with all the stuff I have created in my life I could not answer  and when I looked for the answer in myself I found a deep sadness.  I am not worried what will happen I know that it will pass and I will have an answer to the question of “what is my goal in life.”

But, for now I will sit with my sadness and I will let it be me for now, until it is not me any more.

A Vision of Sadness (Early Sunday Morning)

It is mother’s day today. I am outside moving plants so I can do some landscaping in a few weeks.  I have no real energy and really don’t want to be doing this but it’s got to get done.  Sometimes I wish I could curl up in a ball and stare out the window at nothing.  I am trying to do a good job with the plants. I hope they forgive me for picking up and moving them.

Well let’s talk about my sadness. When I was digging and moving plants I got a vision of my sadness. It looks like a tar pit.  I stuck my toe in it to see if was hot, it wasn’t.  Today I am going step out onto my sadness to see if it can hold my weight.  As I was writing this I just got another vision: I am in the middle and I am sinking.  I am over my head now, it’s dark here. I am not going to fight this I am going to stay steadfast and keep my toes pointed and my hands at my side and keep sinking.  I hope that I can act fine on the surface.

Sitting in the Middle of Sadness (Mid Morning)

Well if you have been following the last couple of posts I am sitting on the bottom of my sadness.  I found that I can breathe down here. It’s not warm or cold, it is dark.  I noticed a few people that are close to me trying to discuss how they are going to save me.  A few have reached their hands down to reach around and pull me up but it is not going to be today.

I am lucky, I am not panicking down here, I am just observing, sitting in the middle of my sadness. I think this is the first time I have come right into it, instead of distracting myself.  Yes, I might not be in touch with the outside world or talking to anyone, but, I am not crying in my own soup either.  I am closing my eyes and seeing the things I have buried that have hurt me over last 48 years. Maybe I am taking inventory of myself.

A funny thought came to me as I am writing this. I keep noticing as things are shown to me I am clearing them or they are clearing themselves. I am noticing that I am getting lighter.

In a Better Place (Early Afternoon)

It is now the end of the day and I am feeling better.  I shared with you my sadness so maybe we could learn something from each other.  I found it kind of healing writing this all down for you (and for me).  It let me really sit back and watch my sadness. It was not just being sad, it was healing and watching it all happen.

We all have these days. I hope this helped you because it did me.  The thing that helped me out of this was letting myself sink into it,  not fearing it, running from it, or worst of all ignoring my sadness or maybe all my feelings.  I could see through my own eyes that it is alright to be sad, mad or whatever feeling I might be in the middle of. Something else I learned is to observe the energy of the emotion you are dealing with and let it show what you need to see.  Let it tell you its story so it can clear itself and the energy that it once held is now free to create something different.

There is an old saying big boys don’t cry.  Well I did not cry but I did allow myself to see what I needed to see and feel what I need to feel and give myself time to heal what I needed to heal.  One more small step for man and one giant leap for mankind.

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